Treatment feedback for our short film idea

Treatment feedback for our short film idea:

Overall we had both positive and negative feedback because initially our storyline was seen as a unique and interesting concept especially with the idea about not knowing where the money comes from. However the main part that we need to work on is the middle part of the narrative and fixing the scene of the person finding the money .e.g. some of the suggestion were:

1. Repetition of them sitting down and finding the money so that there's more build up to the scene.

2.  The person having a bad day and unexpectedly they see money in the park which changes their situation. It would be better if they find the money once as that will make the scene stronger and it would be better if we focus more on the build-up of the scene of money. Creating suspense.

3. Or on 2nd day they go to park and look for money again but then they see a letter threatening them about the money. In the letter they are being threatened that if they don't return the money they will be told off to the police.

4.  Others suggested that, as we are focusing on the build-up, we should have scenes of the protagonist in bad/unlucky situations, this is most to affect our location and would mean that we need to have more settings. Also this is a possible way in which we could interpret comedy into our short film as most comical characters are clumsy or happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

These ideas were recommended because our audience was confused about the idea of how the audience will feel the suspense within the drama, as before we decided to show scenes of the person repeatedly finding money and scenes of them in front of different shops. From this, we have come to conclude that the main parts we need to focus on are on the middle part, build-up of the scene of them finding money and the idea of creating danger or threat.